She's Lost Control

of coffee beans.

2012-02-10T00:11:00.001+08:00

Been working.

Hanging out.

Am tired.

Maybe will write a long post soon.

Think I forgot how to play my guitar.

Oh, shit.

Time is 12.12 am.

blog abandonment.

2012-01-31T12:44:00.001+08:00

Oh no.

Last post of January.

Thought this month would never end.

holy sh-

2012-01-22T20:25:00.002+08:00

A MUSIC FESTIVAL?????????????

Sorry, kinda freaking out here. Holy shit, and the price???? Unbelievable.

After the last KL fiasco. Sigh. Damn, that city has to stop feeding me false hope in the form of awesome gigs.

2012-01-14T10:46:00.003+08:00

To be honest, I didn't feel very fostered last night. I heave a big sigh, even though you all can't hear me. I'd love to write an rage driven post about the series of unfortunate events that happened last nigh but I guess I have better things to do (If you wanna get a gist of what happened, view Gaya's colourful and pissed off as hell status on Twitter/Facebook). I've complained and argued enough last night. All I wanna say is, the organisers and the crowd didn't do justice to the sheer brilliance of this band and I am so very disappointed. Basically, it was chaos from start to end.

But there were highlights.

They played Ruby, and the crowd just went supercalm (and that most people didn't know the song so no one really sang along to it, Mark Foster's voice could be heard loud and clear, accompanied by his piano playing).

And Pumped Up Kicks. That performance saved the night from total disaster.

I had my hopes too high for this gig, and I really wished now that I didn't.

cold milk.

2012-01-09T21:52:00.001+08:00

It just tastes better.

you have been fostered.

2012-01-08T13:39:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought they couldn't get any better.

31.

2012-01-03T13:55:00.002+08:00

First post of the year.

Nothing much, few days been the perfect window of time to catch up with everyone. And I guess everyone's gone back to where they're supposed to be now, college -work and all. Ah well. Need to catch up with music, feel that I've been missing out a lot.

Don't you hate the feeling that you missed out on something great?

Possibly life changing.

Okay, maybe not. But still. You just wanna punch someone don't you.

2011-12-31T11:34:00.002+08:00

So, the last day of the year.

Good morning everyone (if anyone of you are awake yet). It's 11.35 and I still haven't showered. Anyway, this is supposed to be my annual end of year post, a round-up of what happened/didn't happen this year and all the shit that goes along with it. I remember writing a really emotionally driven one last year, as if I understood everything I was going through. Maybe I should loosen up this time? Maybe.

To put it simply, I've taken a lot of punches this year. In the gut. All those metaphorical punches and the pain and blah blah blah. I mentioned in last year's post that I grew up, and that I got to know myself a little better. Well, that continued this year. A lot. Maybe I took a few step backwards. I have no idea. It'd be impossible to remember everything that happened this year, the people and events that have impacted my life. To put it simply, it's been one hell of a year.

The end of school life, officially. But I don't want to banter on about that. All this time I just couldn't wait to get out, and now I am. I left school feeling quite neutral. Nothing overwhelming. Maybe I was feeling too many things at once until I couldn't feel anything at all. Oh well. 3rd hardest exam in the world? For real? I sat for it. And yet again where my life is heading will be determined by that slip of paper I'm gonna receive in 2 months or so.

But hopefully not.

To the people in my life. Friendships were tested again, this time on a completely different level. Friendships were mended. The feeling of getting everyone back together again in the same place after so long. Losing myself in everything that was going on, and struggling to fin myself again. Meeting new people, opening up, the whole process of getting to know someone. Thinking that I knew everything when really, I didn't know a thing. Dealing with change, some better than others. The way I handled it? I'm not sure. I guess it was one of the punches. Despite everything, my friends will always mean the world to me. We do our best to look out for each other, and be there for each other the best we can. I love you all, and I'll be seeing a bunch of you tonight.

To that special guy in my life. Wow, where do I even begin. I've learned so much from you, from this relationship, and I guess I'll just continue learning. I took a chance on you, on us and I wouldn't change a thing. Nearly a year we've been together, and we've been through a lot. Those ups and downs and everything in between. Thinking of how we started and how we are now still amazes me. How different we are as people and how we manage to make it all work. I guess we did a pretty good job huh? (smiles). I guess all I want to say is that I love you so much and every minute I've spent with you and every minute I'm gonna spend with you is priceless. Thanks for accepting me for who I am, making me laugh, making me feel loved and cared for, making me feel safe, and all the little things you do that make the ordinary, extraordinary. You have a heart of gold, despite all the wrongs you think you did. I'm so lucky to have you.

To the music this year. What dominated the radio, what didn't. I have to say there were a lot whistling going on this year on the radio, post Young Folks. Moves Like Jagger. I Wanna Go. It Girl. And of course, Pumped Up Kicks. My personal anthem of the year. The song that sort of, in some weird way, united us all. A song that everyone liked, when our tastes are so so very different. The pop girl loved it. The trance guy addicted to it. The A7x fan mad about it. My dad tapping his fingers. The indie people so pleased and happy. The song I'll never get sick of hearing on the radio. To Foster the People, who I'm gonna see next month. Thanks so much. And then there was Dubstep. Holy shit. To Skrillex, Nero, Jakwob, and every dubstep remix I've heard this year. The electronic music scene pretty much exploded this year. Katy B, love. Example, love. The collaborations again. Those responsible for me dancing in my room, getting through those hours of studying, thank you. And there were so many new artists, new albums, too many to name. Lana del Rey. Jamie Woon. SBTRKT. The list goes on.

So, 2012. I think it's the first time I've ever had resolutions. But I'll keep that to myself for now.
Here's to 2011, as it draws to a close, for everything it has taught us.

Another crazy year ahead? Without a doubt.

how can you swallow so much sleep?

2011-12-27T22:54:00.003+08:00

Okay, I've avoided listening to Bombay Bicycle Club cause I thought the guy singing had a sheep quality to his voice. I don't like sheepy voices.

But now, their songs are on replay.

Maybe my ears are tuned a little finer now, oh well. I guess they're my band of the moment, for now. And Lana Del Rey (she is a gem), my sounds of December.

As this month comes to a close, -

I wish I could continue, maybe I'll write a summary of the year tomorrow, cause it's been a crazy year. What I predicted in January was absolutely right.

2011-12-24T11:50:00.002+08:00

How nice it'd be now, to just disappear.

the freedom post II.

2011-12-16T22:44:00.002+08:00

Freedom, wow.

To be honest, I just wanna chill out and watch Muppet movies all day. I should feel happier, and I'm mad at myself that I'm not actually feeling much. Maybe it's cause most of the people I love aren't around. December feels incomplete without them.

Without you.

I finally turned 19 yesterday, while everyone is gonna turn 20 in a few months. Hah. Had my last paper yesterday. Just 5 of us in the huge hall. I barely even noticed, I've never written so much in my life. Anyway, everything's over. For now, I guess. Time to start throwing stuff out, sorting stuff out. Major cleanup. I've got loads of paper to recycle.

It's gonna be an incomplete December, and I don't like that feeling at all.

meemeemeemee.

2011-12-11T23:31:00.002+08:00

OMG, this made me laugh so hard. I haven't even finished watching it yet. I paused halfway to post this.

2011-12-10T21:07:00.002+08:00

You know, I still smile whenever Pumped Up Kicks plays on the radio, even if it's for the 100th time. I snap my fingers, sing along subconsciously (I didn't know I knew all the lyrics). I whistle along. And it also makes me fantasise about January 13th, and how epic it's gonna be.

Amazing.

sixtwelve.

2011-12-06T20:32:00.002+08:00

Maths.

(shivers)

I just collapsed the last 10 minutes.

Anyway, moving on.

Need new music, urgently.

I feel pretty useless now to be honest.

two more weeks.

2011-12-01T21:28:00.002+08:00

I'm stoked.

OMG, my dad just freaked me out (this is hilarious, in a lame way. I now understand where I get my personality from).

Luckily he walked in AFTER I was singing my lungs out to Florence + the Machine.

Anyway, time to search for new music.

2011-11-28T14:46:00.001+08:00

'Every man has their own personal cheerleader' - Tinee aka TNT.

By the way, this is also post 600.

Six friggin hundred.

2011-11-28T13:28:00.000+08:00

BLOODY 9 DAY BREAK

brain content at the moment:

2011-11-22T10:42:00.003+08:00

Lana del Rey is extremely gorgeous, and I'm not just talking about her face.

Time to get into real study mode.

(sighs at last sentence)

I feel like throwing the TV out.

Been listening to Foster the People. A lot. I shall listen to Pumped Up Kicks the night before every exam. Did its trick.

9 day gap til next exam. I don't know what to think of it. Will be of no use if I don't study.

Reading Chuck Norris facts right now, out of all things.

The Jeniffer Lopez performance at the AMAs was just a bit over the top. Just a bit.

I really miss a certain Mr. After I, before K.

My parents have been married for 21 years? That's crazy.

I really cannot wait to turn 19, and I'm gonna repeat this a million more times.

Bill Shakespeare was a really mad guy.

Stuck at home for the time being. There isn't anywhere to go.

Can't help but nod my head whenever Skrillex is playing.

I really love a certain Mr. After I, before K.

cough cough.

2011-11-19T12:13:00.002+08:00

What an awesome time to be sick.

I wonder how cough syrup gets you high.

It's about time to kick some exam ass.

Last minute studying? I'll think about it.

School life, offically over. Finally. Form 6 started off with me being a miserable bitch and ended with me learning to accept things and remembering how to laugh again. Had an awesome last day yesterday, thanks for the pictures Angela =).

got some thoughts in my chest,

2011-11-16T19:18:00.003+08:00

This song made me burst into tears last night. I thought I was alright, I don't know what was wrong with me. I felt two punches to my gut listening to this, and next thing I know I was choking with emotion. It's been a long time since a song has been able to do that to me.

Maybe it's just the combination of everything that's going on right now and this song just sums it up perfectly.

Pumped Up Kicks?

Oh, come on.

They're playing with my head again.

And I have never been happier to see my chatbox. To Gaya, you're right, but I miss you too.

I think about you every 5 seconds.

2011-11-13T23:37:00.000+08:00

I miss you.

panick.

2011-11-13T23:01:00.004+08:00

I need to get out of the house. Take the books and my mind somewhere else, take a walk, breathe clean air, appreciate every green leaf I see. It's been a beautiful couple of days lately, the weather's been kind and the sky turns a breathtaking pink-orange colour in the evening. Galaxies by Laura Veirs is playing, been a while.

It's 11 pm on a Sunday night, and I'm still not sure what my state of mind is.

I was calm til I saw good luck wishes posted on Facebook, I guess I froze a little. Reminder much? Last week of school next week, and I can't expressed how glad I am that's it's gonna be over. Finally.

Time to get this over with. How I wished there was a fast forward button for this.
The horrible exam period. The endless cycle. Nyway, good luck people, everyone everywhere having papers to pass and conquer.

But if things don't work out, it's not the end. Really, it isn't.

Some people should just chill. I've witnessed a few breakdowns this year and they weren't pretty, or worth it.

It's all comes down to choice.

Make things simple, don't complicate, don't overthink.

I somehow feel foolish now cause who the hell gave me right to dish out advice like that? Maybe I'm just advising to myself, yeah I am. It's called self reassurance I guess.

Exhales.

The sound of an acoustic guitar that fills up the room just calms me down, loosens up my muscles, takes me somewhere else.

heaven is a place on earth with you.

2011-11-09T20:41:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I've been really blown away by a song.

525.

2011-11-02T17:20:00.003+08:00

My boyfriend told me to try listening to Blurry by Puddle of Mudd (I love this song by the way, so much power) while it's raining. Since it started raining mad a while ago, I decided to give it a go.

Shit, the thunder made me jump a little.

Somehow the sounds just fit. Rain, the backdrop of a rock song. It's pretty cool.

Replay.

uno.

2011-11-01T16:25:00.002+08:00

Happy November people.

It's 4.25, and it's raining.

Just doesn't seem right.

2011-10-28T22:50:00.002+08:00

Rock and roll will take you to the mountain.

My left shoulder hurts.

It's 11 pm already? That's really nice.

And the week goes by just like that (snaps fingers).

I'm just trying to swim from something bigger than me.

gear.

2011-10-23T11:33:00.002+08:00

I think it's time for a long post. About time, really.

I'm actually looking out my window now, on what to write to start. It's always the hardest part. To find the starting point, and go from there, and it doesn't only apply to writing. Some of us have our lives planned out for us, somewhere to go, our starting points already drawn out. However, we might not necessarily be comfortable with them. We wanna make our own choices and do what we want and be happy, but you know life, it kicks you in the ass. So we just go with what we have, occasionally complaining, pondering sometimes on how everything will turn out if things were different. For some of us, we have to find our own starting points, search high and low, and it's not easy.

I belong to the first category. Sitting for one of the most important exams ever in about a month or so. To be honest, I've never been the one to be super stressed out about exams and studying and grades and all shit related to it. There are more important things in life for me. I'll just do my best and see how it goes. Unfortunately, not everyone is as relaxed as I am. I guess it's balanced right? Other people worry for me. I just don't want to look back at my life and realise all I've been doing is trying to get good grades and pass exams. To look back and realise that I've done so little. Do you wanna have that? Or do you want to get together with your friends in 10 years and talk about the good times you all had, having a good laugh and be crazy.

Cause we're young. And we're only young once.

But yes I know, we all know that fun won't last forever.

Right now, everything is in the way of everything. But everything happens for a reason right? Good or bad. Everything will be okay in the end. I just have to repeat that to myself a 100 more times. Last night was a perfect example. Let's just say a car was towed last night. I'm just glad things didn't get any worse from there. I don't wanna get into details but everyone doesn't have to know. Life's just hilarious sometimes.

Here's to living, and getting through everything that comes in the way.

2011-10-17T17:58:00.002+08:00

Listening to Skrillex on a Monday.

It doesn't feel like Monday anymore.

2011-10-09T13:53:00.000+08:00

Live and let live.

Do not judge.

Take it as it comes.

Deal with it.

Everything will be okay.

inhale.

2011-10-05T17:16:00.002+08:00

So yeah, my results aren't great, some are not even good, but what the hell. I expected it anyway. I'm surprised how lightly I'm taking this. A schoolmate said maybe we're so stressed we just become numb to any sort of panic or other worrying feeling. Maybe we are.

So yeah, time to work my ass off?

It's October, and I'm taking it easy. Something is way wrong with me. Maybe I was born with an overdose of anti-relaxants. I'm a walking chill pill. Okay, maybe not. But when it comes to studies, maybe. I'm sort of glad the stress doesn't get to me as easily. Today, I got to saw first hand what stress can do to people. An ambulance needed to be called. Guys, please take care of yourselves and don't study too hard. Health first, always.

I just feel like reading and listening to Feist, or anything that sounds light and airy. Oh, she's out with a new album now. Intuition is playing, it's been a while since I've listened to her stuff. Add a nice breeze, a serious conversation, a sunset and you have perfection, my friends.

But yeah, her songs will do for now.

2011-10-01T16:23:00.002+08:00

The way to my heart is through my ears.

Thanks for the CD, I love it. But not more than I love you.

2011-09-29T20:51:00.003+08:00

I don't know how you guys stay awake all night, because I certainly can't. An hour of sleep before your exams isn't exactly an ideal situation. My head felt like a ton of bricks. Nodding hurt. So yeah, trials are over. Last round in 2 months. I do not even wanna think about my results.

Still feel slightly crappy now, and not only because I'm sick.

Right now, I wanna get drunk with my friends while Pumped Up Kicks plays in the background. Loudly. I hope Foster The People comes down soon, cause I'll be in the front row. For sure.

End of September. You know, October's always been my favourite month.

Tomorrow's gonna be a weird day, but hopefully not.

The post ends here.

something random.

2011-09-27T17:51:00.004+08:00

Stereo Hearts was playing on 3 radio stations at the same time. I know.

If my exams are killing me, I don't feel anything yet.

Very bad.

I wish I could skip school til STPM begins (I almost wrote SPM, sigh).

Can't wait for the weekend.

I really need to pick up my guitar again, but I'm somehow just not feeling it.

Damn, it's so sad.

2011-09-24T13:32:00.000+08:00

Have.

To.

Study.

That.

Is.

All.

219.

2011-09-21T16:12:00.002+08:00

Dug up an old post pre-SPM trials, here's a chunk of it.

I'd be happy if I got 70 somethings for my Science subjects and Addmaths bloody addmaths. We'll see. It's that reassurance you get from studying, you think you know and understand the facts, but actually you don't, you wake up having forgotten what you studied 12 hours ago. And you're shitting yourself when you're doing your exams. (Not literally lah).

I guess I feel the same way this time around. STPM. Trials start tomorrow, and my body isn't responding properly. I am so relaxed it's starting to scare me. It's such a drag. Let's get the week over with shall we?

Then hello October.

2011-09-18T16:06:00.000+08:00

This guy's amazing.

2011-09-17T09:51:00.003+08:00

Right now, my throat feels like sandpaper.

Trials in a few days.

I need to shower.

I need to study.

Maybe I should join Siew Wern and run into a wall, with a helmet of course.

Imagine that (I think it's so funny).

2011-09-15T16:54:00.001+08:00

Para-para-paradise.

So tired.

Mind wants to study, body wants to sleep.

Mylo Xyloto. Seriously.

2011-09-13T17:40:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I want to disappear.

numb.

2011-09-11T13:51:00.003+08:00

The thing about light is, it illuminates and helps you see everything, some you wished you hadn't seen. The flaws, the mistakes, the fuck ups and everything in between.

The thing about this kinda light, is that there's no warmth.

So, this is what falling apart feels like. And unless I do something about it, it won't be long before there's completely nothing left in me.

I'm losing my mind, losing my mind, losing it all.

2011-09-09T17:21:00.000+08:00

Sometimes in life, you have to not give a shit.

2011-09-07T16:28:00.000+08:00

There was an earthquake? Damn.

rendang.

2011-09-01T00:07:00.004+08:00

So much for wanting to study today. I am a walking joke. So far the most depressing Merdeka holiday yet, it just felt like Wednesday. Raya however, was pretty good. Like Fatt said, I wonder if we'll still be visiting like this in 5 years, in our twenties. I never really thought of it to be honest, but I really hope things will fall into place and everyone can get together. It's just so hard for everyone to be in the same place anymore. Secondary school was our glue, holding us together for 5 years. I'll forever be grateful that we'll always have the crazy ass times to remember and talk about, to laugh at every single time the story's been told, even if it's been told a hundred times.

SMK Convent Pulau Tikus, who would've thought eh. I miss it.

The Phantom crew, we ruled.

Funny how things have turned out since school ended. Change charged at us like a hurricane. Shocked. Surprised. Broke hearts. People drifted, in and out. Some stayed, some didn't. Let's not go down this road again. Til this day, I'm not sure how I'm handling it all. I don't want to complain, cause I'll feel like an idiot if I do. Can't wait to turn 19 and go insane, who knows what will happen then. The world is in shambles. Riots and natural disasters. If the world really is gonna end next year - sigh. I haven't even begun living my life. I used to joke about the last thing someone will ever do before the apocalypse was post a Facebook update.

Oh well.

Young the Giant is an awesome band. I discovered them yesterday watching the VMA's, out of all places. Damn, indie bands are being so much more embraced nowadays. People are actually paying attention. How Foster the People are getting ridiculous amount of airplay on our local radio stations. It's funny how Pumped Up Kicks comes on after Party Rock Anthem. 360 degrees, am I really listening to the radio? Times are really changing. Jay Z calls us the iPod generation, the generation that listens to everything. The genre gap is getting narrower, an artist doesn't simply fall into a specific category anymore. It's pop, but it's slightly electro. It's rap, but in ballad form. It's alternative rock, it's tinged with country. It's pop, but there's a dubstep breakdown. It's party music, but it has a message. It's music. Me personally, I appreciate an awesome Foo Fighters tune as much as a Swedish House Mafia one. I listen to hip hop in the afternoon and indie bands at night. My ears are everywhere. If it's good, it's good. Fuck, I even think Selena Gomez is catchy. Who's to judge anymore?

I grew up watching MTV. I absorbed pop culture and music like a sponge, and I still do. Avril Lavinge and Michelle Branch made me want to pick up a guitar and be like them. So I did, and it changed my life. Rock music followed, bands and more bands. I dug deeper, discovered, explored and drowned myself. When nothing else makes sense anymore, when things are really shit, discovering a new band which I love can turn my day around.

Today it's Young the Giant.

I feel like I can go on forever with this but I think I better stop. Readers, I'm sorry. If you made it this far, teh tarik is on me.

2011-08-30T22:50:00.000+08:00

Chills.

nonstopcantstop.

2011-08-26T20:52:00.003+08:00

8 minutes to 9 pm and all I wanna do is curl up on my bed and sleep maybe with my earphones the weather sucks but I love the rain I love my boyfriend he rocks he's 10/10 funny listening to deadmau5's new track damn it's so cold in this house the breakdown oh yeah and back again I love how this sounds with the rain as the backdrop outside it's pouring now this little island is gonna be fully submerged in rainwater imagine that Raya break a week off have to study insane amount of schoolwork revision vomit sweat and tears okay maybe not stupid weather makes me not want to do anything very thankful I'm not having exams now can't wait to go househopping again wow and this is how fast time flies the last Raya we all got together for feels like 10 hours ago okay maybe not but damn think I'm gonna crash early tonight The Weeknd is amazing downloaded his whole mixtape that day it's so chill the echoes and the lyrics and the beats and the bass just float around my head like mist okay maybe not makes me wanna go out in the rain and scream wow just imagined the soundtrack makes a great one too I should be a director you're the life of the party you're the life of my life.

brain content, as of this moment:

2011-08-20T21:35:00.002+08:00

Fuck it la, I really couldn't be bothered.

nothing much.

2011-08-15T17:38:00.000+08:00

The thing about being sick is that it gives you an excuse to do nothing useful at all. So, I'm off studying till I feel like it. People are now starting to skip school to study or do God knows what. Again. I was one of the seven who showed up today. No, I will not contribute to the class' overall lousy attendance. Waving flags in fake patriotism and trying to sing in tune with a sore throat.

Oh yeah, and screw karma.

What I posted 2 years ago.

Time travels faster than the speed of light.

Today I went shopping, and talk is still cheap.

2011-08-13T21:02:00.001+08:00

2011-08-11T18:25:00.000+08:00

I'm dumb. Full stop.

78.

2011-08-07T14:36:00.002+08:00

I just realised it's my dad's birthday tomorrow. It's already bloody August.

To say that time flies would be an understatement. To be honest, I really can't wait for this year to end. It's time to get a move on, for real. It's time to get out of this bubble. I really need to start putting my energy into things I really care about, I wanna work hard for something I know I can kick ass at, instead of procrastinating and getting stuff done half heartedly because I really couldn't be bothered. If what drives me to get things done and study hard are guilt and fear, then I'm doing everything for all the wrong reasons.

Shit, the mental checklist I have in my head has completely dissolved. All I wanna do is get a pair of headphones and lose myself in some seriously good music. When it comes down to it, it's really the only thing that makes sense anymore. Music. That's unconditional love right there. But despite all that, I had a lovely weekend. There's always gotta be good times to balance out the bad.

I love you.

That is all.

2011-08-01T16:05:00.001+08:00

Outrun my gun.

2011-07-30T12:42:00.002+08:00

I need a to take a shower. I crashed last night, was pretty beat. I've got stuff to do that I've been putting off for quite some time now. Not a good thing. At all. I'm still tired.

I need a fix cause I'm going down.

The food sucked and the sound system sucked even more. But I still had fun somehow, all the little funny things that made the night enjoyable. The main event is the least important thing. Seriously.

cause Pavit asked me to.

2011-07-25T22:21:00.003+08:00

Just felt like listening to Paramore and I'm singing along and tapping my foot and all that good stuff they have such good songs too bad they had to disband cause of a so called 'No Doubt' moment female lead singer overexposed too much attention overshadowing the rest of the band thing remember the Don't Speak video? Or a scene in Almost Famous (love this movie, made me wanna be a rock journalist so bad) where the bad t-shirt only highlighted the lead singer and everyone else just faded in the background? Nevermind anyway this is another no full stop post because Pavit requested that I do another one so here it is so it's a Monday and it has been interesting to say the least funny how littlest things can fuck things up funny how the littlest things are the easiest to mess up I find it hard to use a fucking can opener epic fail also realised I can be persuasive if I really want to I'm never like that all I'm usually the laid back one who's generally alright with everything but there are always exceptions all in the name of love I guess and keeping everything together I wonder how everyone is doing and what everyone is doing have you ever wondered what your friends are doing this very second have you ever wondered if your thoughts could overlap and there'll be an electric current and a lightbulb flashes - sorry getting carried away the best thing that came out of the Twilight series was that Paramore contributed an amazing song titled Decode to the soundtrack the lyrics are just breathtaking talking to Gaya on the phone she called 20 seconds ago I think she's gonna mad workaholic she can't hear me now I sound like a dinosaur funny I just thought of calling her today okay kinda distracted here gonna end this post this now Chao.

2011-07-24T14:05:00.002+08:00

If only you could see my heart right now. It's so full of love, and nothing else.

I need

2011-07-19T18:11:00.002+08:00

ICE.

It's so hot today by the time last period rolled around, almost everyone slept. We had to sleep.

Weather's killing me.

I need a few Slurpees.

And I can't stop listening to Feel So Close by Calvin Harris, even it hasn't been officially released yet. Shitty quality is better than nothing. It's a really good song.

awooga.

2011-07-16T14:43:00.002+08:00

There are so many books and papers around me I don't even know where to start. It's mid July, the middle of the year, the middle of everything. Neither here nor there. Only just.

I don't know what to do with myself.

Ju(lie)

2011-07-13T19:57:00.002+08:00

I don't absorb as well as other people. My arms are aching even as I'm typing this. What I get for playing proper volleyball after 2 years or so. Dammit.

Harry Potter on Friday with a bunch of Potter fans (except Ro la, sorry Ro). It's gonna get emotional, as least I hope so.

Shit, my arms hurt.

Your light,

2011-07-11T18:02:00.001+08:00

glows green in the dark of the night.

2011-07-07T14:05:00.001+08:00

I've got the bends.

to care (like you)

2011-07-05T18:40:00.003+08:00

I just woke up a while ago. Listening to James Blake now and my emotions are all over the place. I feel my brain being fogged by this weird dubsteppy heart wrenching ghost of sounds and there goes the bass -

James Blake talked about when he first heard Dubstep, he knew he didn't need drugs to get high. Dubstep was just the ultimate high, without the side effects, and an addiction to it won't kill you. This is me summarising what he described Dubstep to be like, the bits and pieces I remember from an interview I read a while back. But yeah, the way he described music, in a beautiful 'Who needs drugs when you have Dubstep?' manner really got to me.

I just feel like leaving myself, feel like escaping.

One of those days I feel trapped in my own body.

page 59.

2011-07-04T10:51:00.004+08:00

You need as much ballast as possible to stop you floating away; you need people around you, things going on, otherwise life is like some film where the money ran out, and there are no sets, or locations, or supporting actors, and it's just one bloke on his own staring into the camera with nothing to do and nobody to speak to, and who'd believe in this character then? I've got to get more stuff, more clutter, more detail in here, because at the moment I'm in danger of falling off the edge.

2011-07-03T12:46:00.000+08:00

This song is just so beautiful. Really takes me somewhere else.

510

2011-07-01T16:50:00.002+08:00

It's been a really intense couple of days. So, this is what being messed up looks like. Everything is up in the air now, anything goes. I don't know, I sort of feel lost in my own body. It's interesting discovering sides of myself I never knew existed.

I think I'm alright, and I hope it stays that way.

It takes a split second for a car to crash.

The little things make the most difference, trust me on this.

And I don't know what I'd do without you, I love you.

2011-06-28T15:39:00.001+08:00

Too much starch.

Urgh.

2011-06-23T21:39:00.001+08:00

Man down.

Where the hell is everyone?

2011-06-20T21:55:00.001+08:00

LASERS

2011-06-19T12:01:00.001+08:00

Greetings.

Think all I'm gonna do today is stay in and read til I fall asleep. Maybe pee a couple of times.

Cause I don't know what else to do.

2011-06-13T18:37:00.001+08:00

You wanna be high for this.

the words of Lupe Fiasco,

2011-06-11T20:48:00.000+08:00

In darkness is where we truly find ourselves, in light we only find others and in others you cannot find yourself.

LOL.

2011-06-09T21:23:00.003+08:00

At the rate I'm going, I'm not gonna get anywhere far. Maybe it's because I only have a weekend before the holidays are over and go back to the hellhole which is Upper Six. You can see that I'm really looking forward to it. Okay, maybe not. Vanished by Crystal Castles is on now.I remember listening to this before I went to school in my room, having a 'holy shit, this is good stuff' moment (it was probably a Wednesday, don't ask). Every song has some sort of memory attached to it, almost every song I guess. Oh, do check Crystal Castles out if you wanna know how videogame sound sampling epileptic electronic music sounds like.

Like a G6 reminds me of New Years Eve/New Years Day 2011. It was on replay in Ti Nee's car and we had a blast.

So basically I feel like a complete slob now. Nothing new. Can't wait for Sunday to roll over. But there are bigger problems to deal with, there always are. The problems that are worth to be called problems. The problems that are worth your time to deal with. Real problems. But yeah, it's hard to differentiate one from the other. And boom, there's another problem. I think it really depends on the set of eyes you were born with, with the brain and heart you're born with to interpret and make sense of it all. Everyone's different. We all live in the same place, but we see completely different things.

It's all about compromise and understanding. Looking at the bigger picture and not being so caught up in your own world. Sooner or later you have to break that shell of yours, or someone else will do it for you. I think life is all about breaking things. Rules, barriers, shells, hearts, promises.

Times like these when my mind chooses to vomit this kinda shit now. Why.

Bless the people who post movies up on Youtube, even if it takes 3 years to load.

Whenever you crave for something not so good you to eat, drink a cup of water and the craving will go away.

Don't drink water people. Everyone deserves ice cream every now and then. But, everything in moderation.

I feel like staying up tonight, but I feel like waking up early tomorrow. I will do neither. So much for feeling.

I want to study hard, play my guitar more often, turn off my slack mode. I will do neither of them. So much for wanting.

It's amazing what nonsense I can come up with just from the frustration of going back to school.

brain content:

2011-06-08T11:14:00.002+08:00

Arctic Monkeys are a ridiculously good band.

Holidays are about to come to an end, and I'll never like that feeling.

School (6 or so months to go, I can do this).

I really have to learn to let go of some things, and not dwell on them cause they just might destroy me.

The key word: Trust.

I just wanna get away for a while, but don't we all eh?

2 weeks is a really short time if you think about it.

Innocence,

2011-06-05T13:33:00.001+08:00

You'll never be mine.

those eyes, sharp as knives.

2011-06-04T23:01:00.003+08:00

Living is easy with eyes closed. I need to go through a Beatles phase again. Like get my electric guitar out, plug in, turn up the volume and just play an E chord continuously.

But I just don't feel it. I miss my red hair suddenly.

Been listening to a lot of Dubstep recently. The build up, the release, the breakdown. Pretty much says a lot about life in general.

And I feel like an insect.

2011-06-01T13:46:00.000+08:00

It's June and I'm beat.

hey monday (lousy band btw)

2011-05-30T16:35:00.004+08:00

It's so nice coming back home and finding out no one's in. Heh, time to wreck the place! If only la. I'm so lazy to even shower (I know, I'm horrible, like the weather). We're all gonna die of this heat, forget the apocalypse. The sun will kill us all.

I so feel like going out, eventhough I just got home. Man, it's so useless being a teenager in 2011.

And there's a guitar solo in Digital Love?

Epicnya.

=)

2011-05-29T12:33:00.003+08:00

What the hell's been going on with blogspot? Couldn't sign in for a few days, and I thought I forgot my password. Stupid.

Now, back to updating you about my life.

I can't remember the last time I was this happy. And I'm serious. There isn't much to say when you're in love I guess. I didn't just type that did I?

Hah, oh well. No point hiding this huge smile on my face.

Been listening to Talihina Sky by KoL. It fits the Sunday vibe perfectly, such a gorgeous song. It's always nice going backwards, and dicovering something you might've missed the first time.

I'll be getting out, as soon as I can fly.

2011-05-22T16:11:00.002+08:00

One of those days when I feel the need to jump into a pool of ice. You could say I'm half sick. Feel like getting out of the house, but body says otherwise. Such a beautiful day out, shame I'm not taking advantage of it.

Turning Tables by Adele is just wonderful, so wonderful.

Jack White.

2011-05-19T21:14:00.003+08:00

What's going on with me? Nothing much, exams tomorrow.

In panic mode, well not really. If I was, I wouldn't be here. In dire need of new music.

Need to reduce brain mass. Full of useless bullshit.

2011-05-16T15:52:00.001+08:00

I hate driving when I'm tired. It's the worst.

2011-05-12T18:23:00.000+08:00

Oh, it rained.

Suited the mood though.

32.

2011-05-09T18:00:00.003+08:00

Breathing in fresh air conditioned air as I type this. Feeling lethargic since yesterday, dehydrated, like I'm eating all the wrongs things and putting a lot of crap in my body. Screw the weather seriously. As if my attention span isn't already short enough.

And now, for something completely different -

I think this song is really cool.

Time is now 6.16 and I really couldn't be bothered to end this post. Alright, time to hunt for new music.

2011-05-06T22:12:00.003+08:00

Shoulders hurt. That is all, for now. Some things in life are just better left ignored. It's bad to pick on wounds, but why the hell do we still do it?

Time is now 10.30 pm, and I don't feel like doing anything. Incubus is out with a new single, I had no idea til last night. What is this la. MTV sucks.

2011-05-04T20:30:00.000+08:00

Not studying. Yay. Double yay.

Screw this, someone kick me in the ass.

aloud.

2011-05-01T13:02:00.002+08:00

It's Sunday afternoon, tomorrow's a holiday, and I really really REALLY have to start studying. Not like I've been doing spectacular since the start, but I could do so much better. I've got everything already planned out in my head. What I'm supposed to do and how I'm gonna do it, but that's not always the case when I carry out those plans in real life. Anything goes and anything can happen, you gotta learn how to improvise =).

The point is, I'm lousy at planning. And if and ever anything goes right or according to plan, I'm a very happy girl.

Time is now 1.23 pm.

Screw Sundays seriously, the last thing anyone wants to do is study. I think so la, the word 'anyone' is in that sentence to make me feel better. I hate exam period. Hate it.

In the night air.

2011-04-28T19:55:00.000+08:00

Funny, how things work out sometimes.

2112.

2011-04-25T21:01:00.002+08:00

Something's bubbling in my stomach, and it's making its way up slowly. In the form of puke. In the form of tears. I'd like to break things right now, preferably heavy objects or objects that make a lot of noise when it hits any rough surface. The shattering of glass. Everything's made of glass, and I'm a fucking klutz. Dangerous much?

I sort of forgot myself today. My thought weren't in order in my head. I feel off, and I don't know why. Maybe it's a Monday and good things rarely happen. Maybe it's the weather. Those are all just lousy excuses.

I only make jokes to distract myself from the truth.

Man, I'm so stupid.

2011-04-24T15:47:00.001+08:00

All I wanna do is go into a Fleet Foxes induced coma and forget the world.

2011-04-22T13:23:00.002+08:00

Hi people time for another no full stop post because I feel like it and I got good feedback so called la oh well like I care anyway deadmau5 is heading to our shores on May 7th and Incubus somewhere in July what the hell is going on why now and this year I wanna slap all of them if only it wasn't the most important year of my life academically so called what nonsense I've been a huge Incubus fan since I was 12 they've came down twice before both times I was still too young but I'd never forgive myself if I missed seeing Brandon Boyd in the flesh for the third time he is such a gorgeous man first MGMT and then them so many great artists have performed or are performing in KL this year I wonder why times like these I wished I lived in KL the Incubus gig is on a Saturday hmm let's see the chances my dad will kill me if I go to another gig this year but I don't have to skip school for this oh well Pavit let's go we'll bring Gaya along and whoever else wants to - OMG it's Brandon Boyd I hate this why can't they have a proper space for gigs in Penang it'd be awesome if they did like a more intimate setting 5oo people that kinda thing over here KL is just nuts it takes some time getting used to I'm having a headache now the amount of schoolwork is worrying again I'm staying in this weekend to you know, do at least half of it or something but first I need a good nap or maybe i should go for a run hmm.

2011-04-19T16:54:00.000+08:00

on replay.

2011-04-17T21:56:00.001+08:00

I think it's time. Time to work my ass off.

2013

2011-04-15T20:12:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired, it's gonna be an early night for me. You guys can't see this, but I'm smiling right now. It's been a good day.

2011-04-11T17:07:00.002+08:00

I'm so beat right now all I want is some goddamn ice cream screw schoolwork what the hell am I learning papers papers papers blanks half-answered question I can't write in paragraphs anymore retarded blogspot the weather is gloomy I feel like sleeping for a week but I can't 6 day week again I think I'm gonna faint any minute I need a break like a proper break with proper sleep and proper eating times how the hell am I gonna pass my exams when I couldn't even be arsed to write a bloody sentence I hate school because it drains every single drop of positive energy out of me I don't know what I'm doing What am I doing? James Brown is playing how innapropriate I hope you're alright I'm sorry I really am I need to recharge brain slowly turning into pink mush even the zombies won't find it appetising and now my head is starting to hurt it's spinning eventhough I got enough sleep last night sleep is a funny thing why am I so tired where's my energy I need a kick not necessarily from a person maybe alcohol would be a good idea okay probably not I hate this me this isn't me I wanna be a missing person I wanna be a better version I wanna be a missing person missing til my head stops hurting I wanna pick up my guitar and play until my neighbours call the cops my fingers are lifeless I sing along to the radio I'm gonna get me outta here Jet is such a good band eventhough everything about them is borrowed or copied whatever it's just good guitar music I need a road trip maybe another gig Kings of Leon has to come down soon they will be mind blowing How long can I keep this up when I say this I mean everything I wonder if anyone is going to read this til the end now I can't stop typing bullshit 5 shots of expresso would do me good it's the 11th of April I haven't even turned 19 I'm not supposed to be this tired and uninspired and frustrated and feel like screaming all the time I wanna break stuff here comes the scream Cold Hard Bitch my favourite Jet song it's now 5 19 what am I doing still typing this I should be studying and working out and making my parents proud and change the world yeah right I laugh to myself now I am such a useless person sometimes I know what I want but I don't know how to get it why the fuck is there an apostrophe if only I was in a band oh yeah a frontwoman you think I could be a frontwoman? like Gwen Stefani during her pink hair-pants wearing No Doubt days she was so cool back then before her L.A.M.B shit I'm so sorry Harajuku is cool and all but nothing beats Gwen wearing her bikini outside with the torn tank top and bleach blond hair she's so hot YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH take it or leave it I am not high just so so bored need to release some tension what tension? I have tension this is hilarious I'm typing this with a straight face I have issues this is amazing writing without full stops I wonder when I'll stop let me change the song I need to slow down Love & Other Drugs is an awesome movie Jake Gyllenhall is such a stud I never realised I should probably go and change my clothes and look in the mirror and change myself so that I can change the world and hope that others will follow maybe I'll write a song that will create a movement such jokes in life such dreams I need to sleep Sleep.

2011-04-09T14:56:00.001+08:00

There's this knot in my chest and I don't know what to do about it.

b.

2011-04-06T21:56:00.000+08:00

This is live people, live. This is the shit.

McFearless.

2011-04-06T21:48:00.001+08:00

What I want from McDonalds. And some fries, of course.

burn.

2011-04-04T13:22:00.001+08:00

You make me love this song even more.

2011-04-03T16:47:00.001+08:00

Sunday bloody Sunday.

beating of a million drums.

2011-03-31T15:15:00.005+08:00

The sun is out, surprisingly. I feel like running my heart out for some reason. Walking and running to LRT stations around KL do not count as exercise. But headbanging and jumping around at a gig is, I suppose. I should really get started on doing things I have to do. Motivation level still at negative 2 unfortunately, or lower. Sometimes I really need someone to kick me in the ass. Anyone? Dancing like an idiot when I'm alone at home does not count as exercise. I still hate school as usual. I need to fall in love with my guitar again, we sort of broke up. Sad, sad thing. Inspire me. Please. The truth is, I just feel really useless now. Justice's new track is pretty awesome though.

2011-03-30T17:40:00.000+08:00

Can it stop bloody raining?

flash delirium.

2011-03-27T18:09:00.006+08:00

Head : Spinning.

Body : Aching.

Brain : At minimum function.

Just the usual post-gig state. And I have school tomorrow. Screw everything, I can barely walk. But really, what an awesome 2 days. Rushed, exhausting and painful but still, awesome.